Third segment title: "Homer^3"


Outside, thunder crashes as Marge calls out to Homer.

Marge: Homer!  Get ready!  Patty and Selma will be here any minute.
Homer: D'oh!  Oh no...better ride this one out in the closet.
        [opens it to see Bart and Lisa standing there]
 Lisa: Sorry, Dad.  This is our spot.
Homer: Oh yeah?  Well it's _my_ house, so it's _my_ spot.
 Bart: N'uh uh, because we called it.
Homer: Did not!
 Lisa: Well, we're calling it now.
Homer: [plaintive] You are?
 Bart: 'Fraid so.
Homer: Ohh, they got me with their legal mumbo-jumbo.
-- Which they learned from Matlock, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

Homer checks under the carpet in front of the TV, but the pets have
already claimed that spot for themselves.  The doorbell rings.

Marge: [hearing the doorbell] Just a second!
Homer: D'oh!  [whimpers] Huh?  [spots a bookcase]
       I never looked behind this whatchamacallit case before.
        [chuckles; leans on wall, but his hand goes through it]
       Huh?  [swirls his hand around] It's like something out of that
       twilighty show about that zone.
        [Marge opens the door]
Patty: How's it hanging, Marge?
Selma: Ugh!  I'm baking like a meatloaf under this wet wool.
        [opens coat closet, catches Bart and Lisa hiding there]
 Bart: Uh...[nervous smile] may I take your coat, Aunt Selma?
 Lisa: Um...I would also like to take your coat.
Selma: Have we got a family activity for you:
Patty: A pillowcase full of seashells from our trip to Sulfur Bay.
Selma: You can help us clean and organize them.
Patty: And pry out all the dead hermit crabs.  Get a screwdriver.
-- Fun?  Wow, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

Homer will have none of it.

Homer: I'll take my chances in the mystery wall!
        [goes into it]
        [steps out into 3D land, looks around]
        [thinking] Oh, glory of glories.  Oh heavenly testament to the
       eternal majesty of God's creation.
        [out loud] Holy macaroni!
Patty: [sucking on a hermit crab] Hey!  You can just _suck_ 'em out!
Homer: [disembodied] Hello?  Can anybody hear me?
Marge: Homer!  Where are you?
Homer: Uh, I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am.
Marge: Do you see towels?  If you see towels, you're probably in the
       linen closet again.
Homer: Just a second...no, it's a place I've never been before.
Selma: Hmm.  The shower.  [laughs]
-- Strike one, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

"Hey!"  Homer calls out indignantly.  He looks around and scratches
himself.

Homer: I don't want to alarm you, Marge, but I seem to be trapped in
       here.
Marge: Hmm.  I better call Ned.  He has a ladder!
        [in 3D land]
Homer: What's going on here?  I'm so bulgy.
        [taps his belly; it ripples for a while]
       My stomach sticks way out in front and my -- aah!
        [checks out his bulgy behind]
        [in the living room]
  Ned: [on top of his ladder] Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack,
       I'm stumped.
Selma: Hmm.  It's like he just disappeared into fat air.  [laughs]
Homer: Hey!  Shut up.
-- Strike two, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

In the background, a cone bounces off the green grid Homer is standing
on.  He walks past a building, strangely reminiscent of a building in a
certain video game, and up to a swimming pool with fish in it.  "Mmm...
unprocessed fish sticks," he slobbers.  His drool hits the pool and
frightens the fish away.



He walks up to a sign with arrows pointing along the three axes, X, Y,
and Z.

Homer: Man, this place looks expensive.  I feel like I'm wasting a
       fortune just standing here.
        [scratches and looks around]
       Well, better make the most of it.
        [burps]
-- Homer in 3D land, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

The bouncing cone lodges itself in his butt.  "Ow!  Watch it, coney!"
He pulls it out and tosses it away.  It lodges itself in the ground,
point down, and creates a depression that begins deepening at an
alarming rate.  "Oops," he says meekly.

Marge has called Rev. Lovejoy and Dr. Hibbert in to help.

Lovejoy: Do you see a light, Homer?
  Homer: [disembodied] Yes...
Lovejoy: Move into the light, my son.
  Homer: [a buzzing is heard] Aah!
Hibbert: Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert.  Can you
         tell us what it's like in there?
  Homer: Uh...it's like...did anyone see the movie "Tron"?
Hibbert: No.
   Lisa: No.
  Marge: No.
 Wiggum: No.
   Bart: No.
  Patty: No.
 Wiggum: No.
    Ned: No.
  Selma: No.
  Frink: No.
Lovejoy: No.
 Wiggum: Yes.  I mean -- um, I mean, no.  No, heh.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VI"

Frink draws a strange diagram on the wall.

    Lisa: Well, where's my Dad?
   Frink: Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted
          individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic
          topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into...[the
          lights go off] the third dimension.
    Lisa: [turning the lights back on] Sorry.
   Frink: [drawing on a blackboard] Here is an ordinary square --
  Wiggum: Whoa, whoa -- slow down, egghead!
   Frink: -- but suppose we exte-end the square beyond the two
          dimensions of our universe (along the hypothetical Z axis,
          there).
Everyone: [gasps]
   Frink: This forms a three-dimensional object known as a "cube", or a
          "Frinkahedron" in honor of its discoverer, n'hey, n'hey.
   Homer: [disembodied] Help me!  Are you helping me, or are you going
          on and on?
   Frink: Oh, right.  And, of course, within, we find the doomed
          individual.
-- The frightening conclusion, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

Wiggum: Enough of your borax, poindexter!  We need action --
         [fires his gun six times through the wall]
        Take that, you lousy dimension!
         [the bullets fly toward Homer, but spiral around the widening
        hole and get sucked into it]
 Homer: Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics.  I wish I'd
        read that book by that wheelchair guy.
-- Homer, Hawking ignoramus, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

He leans into the hole, but his head gets sucked in and elongated
grotesquely.  He manages to pull it out, but the hole begins widening
with an alarming rapidity.  He has to run to keep ahead of it.

  Abe: [wearing a diving suit] I'll save Homer!  All I needs is four
       stout men to work the bellows.
Frink: No, pops, it's too risky!  For all we know, there could be cubes
       in there the size of gorillas and other large --
Homer: [disembodied] Help!  I don't have much time.
 Bart: [tying a rope around his waist] That does it.  I'm going in.
Marge: Bart, no!
        [Bart goes in through the wall and looks around]

 Bart: Cool, man!
-- Bart enters 3D land, "Treehouse of Horror VI"

Homer is nearing the edge of the green grid.

  Homer: [panicky] Oh my God, I'm going to be sucked into a black hole,
         I'm going to be sucked into oblivion, I'm going to be nothing,
         and what's going to be coming out the other side, I don't know!
   Bart: I'll save you, Dad!
          [climbs onto XYZ street sign]
         I can't get any closer...you'll have to jump!
  Homer: Piece of cake, son.
          [runs into hole, breaks into pieces]
         Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap --
          [the world explodes in a flash as Bart gets pulled back]
  Marge: Bart!  What happened?
   Bart: Well...we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed
         on itself.  But Dad seemed cautiously optimistic!
  Homer: [disembodied] Craaaap!
  Marge: Oh, Homey.
Lovejoy: Be strong, Marge: I'm sure he's gone to a better place.
          [lightening fizzles; Homer appears in our world, screaming,
         and falls into a dumpster]
  Homer: D'oh!  [gets out] Ew...this is the worst place yet.
-- He's got that right., "Treehouse of Horror VI"

He walks down a street somewhere in California.  People stop to look at
the stranger from another universe.  Homer whimpers incoherently as he
keep walking, but then he spots a store he likes.  "Ooh!  Erotic cakes,"
he coos, walking in.

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:27]