Text of Math and The Simpsons
Did You Notice?
- First Math-e-Magician's trick {hl}
413 r2
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7 / 2893
28
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09
7
--
23
21
--
2
- Second trick (aborted) {hl}
3
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7 / 2893
22
- How the remainder would have disappeared had Lisa
not noticed that 7*3 is not 22! (alt.nerd.obsessive) {hl}
399 r0
/------
7 / 2893
22
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69
63
---
63
63
--
0
Text
% Elsewhere, a magician does tricks for the kids. Bart requests the
% classic sawing-in-half trick, but the man replies that he's really a
% "mathemagician." Everybody but Lisa seems disappointed in this.
% Undaunted, he attempts to make a remainder in a long division problem
% disappear.
Lisa: But seven goes into twenty-eight four times.
Mathemagician: Uh, this is a -magic- seven!
Prof John Frink arrives in the robot repair room on a cart and speaks
passionately to some of the repairmen.
Frink: You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us
that all robots will eventually turn against their masters
and run amok in an orgy of blood and kicking and the biting
with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
Repairman: How much time do we have, professor?
Frink: [checks clipboard] Well, according to my calculations, the
robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours.
[Scratchy robot grabs men by the throat]
[Itchy robot goes after another man]
Oh, I forgot to, er, carry the one.
Ms. Krabappel hands out the IQ tests.
Now I don't want you to worry, class. These test will have no effect on your
grade. They merely determine your future social status and financial success.
[looks at Bart] If any.
-- Ms. Krabappel administers an IQ test, ``Bart the Genius''
Martin reminds Ms. Krabappel that Bart is supposed to turn his desk towards
the window so he can't cheat.
Remember to visualize the complex problem.
And relaaaaax. The test will start... [looks around calmly] [yells] Now!
-- Ms. Krabappel administers an IQ test, ``Bart the Genius''
Pencils hit paper.
Bart: [reading a test question]
The 7:30am express train travelling at 60 miles an hour leaves Santa Fe
bound for Phoenix, [chews on his pencil] 520 miles away.
Ms.K: Shhh! [points to her head] Visualize it, Bart!
Bart: [visualizing in black-and-white] At the same time, the local train
travelling 30 miles an hour and carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix
bound for Santa Fe. It is eight cars long and always carries the
same number of passengers in each car. [Bart counts five passengers on
the train car (the number hovering over each passenger's head)
and visualizes 40 / 8 = 5. The train travels through a numerical
landscape.]
An hour later, a number of passengers equal to half the number of
minutes past the hour get off, and three times as many plus six
get on. [Bart and his equation are trampled by the passengers.]
At the second stop, half the passengers plus two get off, but twice
as many get on as got on at the first stop. [Trampled again.
Bart spits out a number.]
Train conductor: Ticket, please.
Bart: I don't have a ticket!
Train conductor: Come with me, boy.
[drags Bart off. Numbers circle Bart's head]
We've got a stowaway, sir.
Bart: I'll pay! How much?
[the train engineer is... Martin! Shoveling numbers into the engine.]
Martin: Twice the fare from Tuscon to Flagstaff minus two thirds of the fare
Albuquerque to El Paso! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
-- Math is Hell, ``Bart the Genius''
The two trains crash into each other, throwing Bart into the air...
... and onto his back on the classroom floor. Ms. Krabappel tells Bart
to stop distracting the others.
% Back at school...
Ms.M: So y = r^3/3. And if you determine the rate of change in this
curve correctly, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Class: [chuckles]
Ms.M: Don't you get it, Bart? Derivative dy = 3 r^2 / 3, or r^2 dr,
or r dr r. Har-de-har-har, get it?
Bart: [not amused] Oh, yeah. [forced laugh]
-- Making math fun, ``Bart the Genius''
% Bart trudges home and walks past his graffito, now roped off and
% tagged, ``The Principal. By Bart Simpson. IQ 216.'' Bart tries
% to join his friends, but they don't want anything to do with him.
Did you notice...
... the equations
1 + 1 = 2
P = NP
e^(pi*i) = -1
1782^12 + 1841^12 = 1922^12
and that the hexadecimal string in 3D land,
"46 72 69 6E 6B 20 72 75 6C 65 73 21"
decodes as "Frink rules!" in ASCII?
Text
[End of Act Two. Time: 14:03]
Third segment title: "Homer^3"
Outside, thunder crashes as Marge calls out to Homer.
Marge: Homer! Get ready! Patty and Selma will be here any minute.
Homer: D'oh! Oh no...better ride this one out in the closet.
[opens it to see Bart and Lisa standing there]
Lisa: Sorry, Dad. This is our spot.
Homer: Oh yeah? Well it's _my_ house, so it's _my_ spot.
Bart: N'uh uh, because we called it.
Homer: Did not!
Lisa: Well, we're calling it now.
Homer: [plaintive] You are?
Bart: 'Fraid so.
Homer: Ohh, they got me with their legal mumbo-jumbo.
-- Which they learned from Matlock, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Homer checks under the carpet in front of the TV, but the pets have
already claimed that spot for themselves. The doorbell rings.
Marge: [hearing the doorbell] Just a second!
Homer: D'oh! [whimpers] Huh? [spots a bookcase]
I never looked behind this whatchamacallit case before.
[chuckles; leans on wall, but his hand goes through it]
Huh? [swirls his hand around] It's like something out of that
twilighty show about that zone.
[Marge opens the door]
Patty: How's it hanging, Marge?
Selma: Ugh! I'm baking like a meatloaf under this wet wool.
[opens coat closet, catches Bart and Lisa hiding there]
Bart: Uh...[nervous smile] may I take your coat, Aunt Selma?
Lisa: Um...I would also like to take your coat.
Selma: Have we got a family activity for you:
Patty: A pillowcase full of seashells from our trip to Sulfur Bay.
Selma: You can help us clean and organize them.
Patty: And pry out all the dead hermit crabs. Get a screwdriver.
-- Fun? Wow, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Homer will have none of it.
Homer: I'll take my chances in the mystery wall!
[goes into it]
[steps out into 3D land, looks around]
[thinking] Oh, glory of glories. Oh heavenly testament to the
eternal majesty of God's creation.
[out loud] Holy macaroni!
Patty: [sucking on a hermit crab] Hey! You can just _suck_ 'em out!
Homer: [disembodied] Hello? Can anybody hear me?
Marge: Homer! Where are you?
Homer: Uh, I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am.
Marge: Do you see towels? If you see towels, you're probably in the
linen closet again.
Homer: Just a second...no, it's a place I've never been before.
Selma: Hmm. The shower. [laughs]
-- Strike one, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
"Hey!" Homer calls out indignantly. He looks around and scratches
himself.
Homer: I don't want to alarm you, Marge, but I seem to be trapped in
here.
Marge: Hmm. I better call Ned. He has a ladder!
[in 3D land]
Homer: What's going on here? I'm so bulgy.
[taps his belly; it ripples for a while]
My stomach sticks way out in front and my -- aah!
[checks out his bulgy behind]
[in the living room]
Ned: [on top of his ladder] Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack,
I'm stumped.
Selma: Hmm. It's like he just disappeared into fat air. [laughs]
Homer: Hey! Shut up.
-- Strike two, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
In the background, a cone bounces off the green grid Homer is standing
on. He walks past a building, strangely reminiscent of a building in a
certain video game, and up to a swimming pool with fish in it. "Mmm...
unprocessed fish sticks," he slobbers. His drool hits the pool and
frightens the fish away.
He walks up to a sign with arrows pointing along the three axes, X, Y,
and Z.
Homer: Man, this place looks expensive. I feel like I'm wasting a
fortune just standing here.
[scratches and looks around]
Well, better make the most of it.
[burps]
-- Homer in 3D land, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
The bouncing cone lodges itself in his butt. "Ow! Watch it, coney!"
He pulls it out and tosses it away. It lodges itself in the ground,
point down, and creates a depression that begins deepening at an
alarming rate. "Oops," he says meekly.
Marge has called Rev. Lovejoy and Dr. Hibbert in to help.
Lovejoy: Do you see a light, Homer?
Homer: [disembodied] Yes...
Lovejoy: Move into the light, my son.
Homer: [a buzzing is heard] Aah!
Hibbert: Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you
tell us what it's like in there?
Homer: Uh...it's like...did anyone see the movie "Tron"?
Hibbert: No.
Lisa: No.
Marge: No.
Wiggum: No.
Bart: No.
Patty: No.
Wiggum: No.
Ned: No.
Selma: No.
Frink: No.
Lovejoy: No.
Wiggum: Yes. I mean -- um, I mean, no. No, heh.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Frink draws a strange diagram on the wall.
Lisa: Well, where's my Dad?
Frink: Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted
individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic
topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into...[the
lights go off] the third dimension.
Lisa: [turning the lights back on] Sorry.
Frink: [drawing on a blackboard] Here is an ordinary square --
Wiggum: Whoa, whoa -- slow down, egghead!
Frink: -- but suppose we exte-end the square beyond the two
dimensions of our universe (along the hypothetical Z axis,
there).
Everyone: [gasps]
Frink: This forms a three-dimensional object known as a "cube", or a
"Frinkahedron" in honor of its discoverer, n'hey, n'hey.
Homer: [disembodied] Help me! Are you helping me, or are you going
on and on?
Frink: Oh, right. And, of course, within, we find the doomed
individual.
-- The frightening conclusion, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Wiggum: Enough of your borax, poindexter! We need action --
[fires his gun six times through the wall]
Take that, you lousy dimension!
[the bullets fly toward Homer, but spiral around the widening
hole and get sucked into it]
Homer: Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd
read that book by that wheelchair guy.
-- Homer, Hawking ignoramus, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
He leans into the hole, but his head gets sucked in and elongated
grotesquely. He manages to pull it out, but the hole begins widening
with an alarming rapidity. He has to run to keep ahead of it.
Abe: [wearing a diving suit] I'll save Homer! All I needs is four
stout men to work the bellows.
Frink: No, pops, it's too risky! For all we know, there could be cubes
in there the size of gorillas and other large --
Homer: [disembodied] Help! I don't have much time.
Bart: [tying a rope around his waist] That does it. I'm going in.
Marge: Bart, no!
[Bart goes in through the wall and looks around]
Bart: Cool, man!
-- Bart enters 3D land, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Homer is nearing the edge of the green grid.
Homer: [panicky] Oh my God, I'm going to be sucked into a black hole,
I'm going to be sucked into oblivion, I'm going to be nothing,
and what's going to be coming out the other side, I don't know!
Bart: I'll save you, Dad!
[climbs onto XYZ street sign]
I can't get any closer...you'll have to jump!
Homer: Piece of cake, son.
[runs into hole, breaks into pieces]
Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap --
[the world explodes in a flash as Bart gets pulled back]
Marge: Bart! What happened?
Bart: Well...we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed
on itself. But Dad seemed cautiously optimistic!
Homer: [disembodied] Craaaap!
Marge: Oh, Homey.
Lovejoy: Be strong, Marge: I'm sure he's gone to a better place.
[lightening fizzles; Homer appears in our world, screaming,
and falls into a dumpster]
Homer: D'oh! [gets out] Ew...this is the worst place yet.
-- He's got that right., "Treehouse of Horror VI"
He walks down a street somewhere in California. People stop to look at
the stranger from another universe. Homer whimpers incoherently as he
keep walking, but then he spots a store he likes. "Ooh! Erotic cakes,"
he coos, walking in.
[End of Act Three. Time: 21:27]
Marge and family (sans Homer) wade through a crowd of picketers to
the Kwik-E-Mart, where Apu offers Ganesha Yoo-Hoo to make the
protestors go away. Apu tells Marge the story of how he graduated
at the top of his 7,000,000 class at Calcutta Technical Institute to
come study in America. His family and his child bride bid him fare
well. At the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology, Apu
learns from Professor John Frink.
[in the late '70s]
[Frink stands in front of a huge mainframe]
Frink: Well, sure, the Frinkiac-7 looks impressive [to student] Don't
touch it! [back to class] But I predict that within 100 years
computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and
so expensive that only the five richest kings in Europe will
own them.
Apu: Could it be used for dating?
Frink: Well, technically, yes, but the computer matches would be so
perfect as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest. Ha-ho-
ha-hey-hoo.
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